The Initiate: A Relief to My Wandering
Where, I used to wonder, is the collected mythology of African-Americans? Where are our stories of rescue? Where are our legends of avenging warriors, farsighted seers, relentless navigators? A dull ache and indeed sometimes deep trauma accompanied these thoughts and persisted into my adult life. I can only liken these feelings to those of a kidnapped and abandoned child cut off from true nurturing and communal acceptance.
Having been born on a cold winter's morning in Harlem, New York I never fully recovered from the shock of entering a world with no palm trees, coconuts, or warm ocean breezes. This initial disappointment was then reinforced by a rigid Catholic education that molded me like jello into something "civilized" and determined to be what I was taught was successful. I was somewhat saved by the warmth and love of my family who were fortunately gifted with insight and appreciation of African and Caribbean cultural traditions. Somewhere between the tension of personal warmth and cold outer circumstances there was a submerged Self longing to be identified, recognized, articulated, and expressed. This Self was unsatisfied with what were presented as worthwhile goals and pleasures for "modern" women: material success, romance, entertainment. This part of me, as I look back, can only be described as being in a state of mourning... but for what?
In a search for meaning and purpose, I had immersed myself in Rosicrucianism, tarot, astrology, numerology, past life regression, Feng Shui, Reiki, Yoruba, and much more. However, after baptizing myself in the waters of many cultures I was always drawn to Kemet. I surrounded myself with the symbols and images of Wst, Aishat, Heru and Maat. And so... imagine my overwhelming joy when I first heard Master Naba say that the traditions and beliefs of Kemet were still being held sacred by his people. How can I describe the chains that snapped, the dark clouds being swept away, the wings that sprouted, the melodies heard amidst the warming rain of his words when he announced that "hieroglyphics" was not a dead language but still spoken among the Dogon.
I now have the strength and the guidance of M'TAM to leave this cocoon of fear and doubt that has encapsulated me for so long. I have been gifted with my greatest desire: a glimpse of the Divine World and the answer to the purpose for this earthbound human existence, Miraculously, I have also been given the language, the tools, and the teachers to continue this earthly journey of self-knowledge and self-perfection. Most of all, I am truly grateful for the encouragement that i have received from my Earth Center family and I am truly awed and inspired by their dedication and service to others.
